Submission? Pssh! I am not a doormat.
Hey everyone :)
Today, I am going to be blogging about SUBMISSION! This is a conversation I have had so many times and people's responses are usually the same "Oh gosh, no! I hope your husband won't walk all over you". "I pity you, your husband will just turn you into a doormat." One girl even started calling me "Mrs Submissive" LOL.
Before we go any further, I would like to say I am referring to submission in a Christian marriage. Let that be at the back of your mind as you read this post :)
Submission has become such an ugly word, it makes me sad. People have gotten submission in marriage so wrong. Submission is not being a doormat, having no opinions, servitude, or subservience. It is not a sign of weakness, rather it s a sign of strength. It's easy to be rebellious but it takes strength and discipline to be submissive. I do not believe that submission in this context is the same as docility.
My understanding of submission is letting the man takes the role of the leader in the family. He leads. Let that sink in for a bit. So when it comes to making major decisions, a wife should let her husband lead. *GASP* 'What if he is wrong?' This is why you need to be sure of who you are marrying. You need to trust his leading. If I am to submit to you, you had better submit to Christ. I, along with our children will follow you as you follow Christ. I need to know that you have sought God before making decisions concerning our family. Also, I would hope that my husband would consult me, and prayerfully make decisions. See that? We are partners. Yes he leads, but he confers with me and then reaches a decision, and I submit to that. Submission is about trust. You submit to your husband as unto the Lord.
The truth is, one can make you submit. You make a choice to submit. Just like no one can make you respect them. If you have to tell someone to submit to you, there might be a problem. Just like you can't tell someone you must respect me, you can't say 'you must submit to me'.
My mother, God bless her, is my example. To be honest, I don't recall my mom ever telling me "You must submit to your husband" However, in her relationship with my dad, I have seen her be submissive. Now if you know my mother, you know she is not docile, or passive. My mom is a firecracker! However, when a major decision had to be made, she always referred us to dad. Now that I am older, I realize that her asking us to go ask Dad meant she supported us but wanted my dad's opinion and he had the final say. She obviously could influence his decisions but she ultimately left the decision making to him. Sometimes, he would say no,and she would back him up. However, she would go talk to him and he would change his mind. However, if mum said no, then dad was definitely backing her up and saying no too. So I guess, ultimately, mum held the cards. LOL.
What about him? Why should he make major decisions? Shouldn't he submit? Why should he have it so easy?
Men, submission doesn't me your wife is a doormat, or someone to be controlled. Submission doesn't give you the right to hit your wife, or rape your wife. I once had a conversation with a young man who justified raping his wife by saying he is the leader and God expects his wife to submit to him. Oh and according to him, there is no such thing as raping your wife because she is yours. Say what now????? So ridiculous.
You are a team, and with teams, you sometimes have a team leader. Now the team leader doesn't go about making decisions anyhow without speaking to the team members first, and usually, when they differ in opinion, a good team lead would compromise. However, he/she still makes the final call. Another example would be a pilot and a co-pilot. While they are both on the same team, in case of an emergency, the pilot makes the call. That's how I believe it should be in marriage. If both of you wan to lead, there will be chaos.
The Bible doesn't say the husbands should submit to their wives, but the men don't have it easy. Their mandate is way greater than ours. They have a mandate to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Christ loved so much he gave his life for the church. That's the kind of love husbands are called to have. Christ isn't about control, intimidation or manipulation!
So when people say to me "Oh gosh, no! I hope your husband won't walk all over you". "I pity you, your husband will just turn you into a doormat.", My response is, I believe in a Ephesians 5:22-25 kind of marriage. So, it's okay. God has got me :)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:22-25)
The truth is, it's easier to submit to a man who loves you as Christ loves the church and to love a woman who submits to you. In my opinion, if you are not ready to submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage. As a man, if you are not ready to love unconditionally and selflessly, you are not ready for marriage.
P.S Dear future Husband, while I am VERY willing to submit to you, perming my hair is not up for discussion. LOL. Just kidding! (Not really)
As always, please feel free to share your opinion :)
God bless you guys!!!! <3
Submission? Pssh! I am not a doormat.
Hey everyone :)
Today, I am going to be blogging about SUBMISSION! This is a conversation I have had so many times and people's responses are usually the same "Oh gosh, no! I hope your husband won't walk all over you". "I pity you, your husband will just turn you into a doormat." One girl even started calling me "Mrs Submissive" LOL.
Before we go any further, I would like to say I am referring to submission in a Christian marriage. Let that be at the back of your mind as you read this post :)
Submission has become such an ugly word, it makes me sad. People have gotten submission in marriage so wrong. Submission is not being a doormat, having no opinions, servitude, or subservience. It is not a sign of weakness, rather it s a sign of strength. It's easy to be rebellious but it takes strength and discipline to be submissive. I do not believe that submission in this context is the same as docility.
My understanding of submission is letting the man takes the role of the leader in the family. He leads. Let that sink in for a bit. So when it comes to making major decisions, a wife should let her husband lead. *GASP* 'What if he is wrong?' This is why you need to be sure of who you are marrying. You need to trust his leading. If I am to submit to you, you had better submit to Christ. I, along with our children will follow you as you follow Christ. I need to know that you have sought God before making decisions concerning our family. Also, I would hope that my husband would consult me, and prayerfully make decisions. See that? We are partners. Yes he leads, but he confers with me and then reaches a decision, and I submit to that. Submission is about trust. You submit to your husband as unto the Lord.
The truth is, one can make you submit. You make a choice to submit. Just like no one can make you respect them. If you have to tell someone to submit to you, there might be a problem. Just like you can't tell someone you must respect me, you can't say 'you must submit to me'.
My mother, God bless her, is my example. To be honest, I don't recall my mom ever telling me "You must submit to your husband" However, in her relationship with my dad, I have seen her be submissive. Now if you know my mother, you know she is not docile, or passive. My mom is a firecracker! However, when a major decision had to be made, she always referred us to dad. Now that I am older, I realize that her asking us to go ask Dad meant she supported us but wanted my dad's opinion and he had the final say. She obviously could influence his decisions but she ultimately left the decision making to him. Sometimes, he would say no,and she would back him up. However, she would go talk to him and he would change his mind. However, if mum said no, then dad was definitely backing her up and saying no too. So I guess, ultimately, mum held the cards. LOL.
What about him? Why should he make major decisions? Shouldn't he submit? Why should he have it so easy?
Men, submission doesn't me your wife is a doormat, or someone to be controlled. Submission doesn't give you the right to hit your wife, or rape your wife. I once had a conversation with a young man who justified raping his wife by saying he is the leader and God expects his wife to submit to him. Oh and according to him, there is no such thing as raping your wife because she is yours. Say what now????? So ridiculous.
You are a team, and with teams, you sometimes have a team leader. Now the team leader doesn't go about making decisions anyhow without speaking to the team members first, and usually, when they differ in opinion, a good team lead would compromise. However, he/she still makes the final call. Another example would be a pilot and a co-pilot. While they are both on the same team, in case of an emergency, the pilot makes the call. That's how I believe it should be in marriage. If both of you wan to lead, there will be chaos.
The Bible doesn't say the husbands should submit to their wives, but the men don't have it easy. Their mandate is way greater than ours. They have a mandate to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Christ loved so much he gave his life for the church. That's the kind of love husbands are called to have. Christ isn't about control, intimidation or manipulation!
So when people say to me "Oh gosh, no! I hope your husband won't walk all over you". "I pity you, your husband will just turn you into a doormat.", My response is, I believe in a Ephesians 5:22-25 kind of marriage. So, it's okay. God has got me :)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:22-25)
The truth is, it's easier to submit to a man who loves you as Christ loves the church and to love a woman who submits to you. In my opinion, if you are not ready to submit to your husband, you are not ready for marriage. As a man, if you are not ready to love unconditionally and selflessly, you are not ready for marriage.
P.S Dear future Husband, while I am VERY willing to submit to you, perming my hair is not up for discussion. LOL. Just kidding! (Not really)
As always, please feel free to share your opinion :)
God bless you guys!!!! <3
I like this post. I completely agree with you.
ReplyDeletePraise God :)
DeleteYou are blessed my dear sister. Submission has been misunderstood and misinterpreted by many, therefore makes people become rebellious to the idea. While pondering on this, an idea came to my mind. Before anyone is permitted to drive, there are laws to follow. First of all, age is an important factor to consider. At certain age, many will not yet be ready and responsible enough to drive. Secondly, you have to read a driving manual once you have come of age and then sit for the exam which tests one's level of understanding and assimilation in preparation as well because as simple as driving appears, one has to understand a lot of things. Once that has been done, then comes the practical driving test that checks one's willingness to make practical all the book has taught. Anyone not willing to submit to the driving rules on the road is not found worthy of getting the license to drive. Then it struck me, the roads come with different networking; some easy to drive along, others you have to learn to yield to oncoming vehicles, while others yet, you have to obey the traffic lights. This is similar to what obtains in marriage. There are times we make smooth decisions, there are times we have to just pause and wait for the go-ahead from our husbands, and there are times we just have to yield to our husbands completely. So if it easy for us to submit to these rules in order to avoid accidents, why are many finding it hard to submit (yield and obey) to one another. First and foremost, the instruction that started the discussion in Ephesians says we must submit (yield) to one another. A wife instructed (not commanded) to submit to her own husband (not all men) is to take up this role as her responsibility and not as the man's right (hence no man should demand it from her) and this is done out of her reverence for Christ (if she is truly a child of God). And note that the man's responsibility to love like Christ who died is even harder than a woman's submissive role, and I quite agree, this is why you must find a man who loves the Lord and not just a man who because he doesn't know and love God will misuse the verse on you.
ReplyDeleteSubmission is not slavery, it is not a sign of weakness, it is never a reason to be abused or taken as weak, it simply depicts Strength, which when done brings more benefits and no harm. It is one of the answers to the constant frustration and anger we have in our relationships and even when people, family or your friends do not understand it well, remember you and your spouse don't follow the culture of the world but YOU FOLLOW CHRIST. No one follows Him and regrets it. Bless you sis!.
Amen!
DeleteThank you so much for your feedback. You have definitely been given wisdom beyond your years aunty.
Love you! God bless you <3
I love this! I am definitely pro submission. I really do hope my husband doesn't take advantage of me though. My personality makes it so easy for people to do so :/
ReplyDeleteP.S Don't you have to perm your hair if he wants you to?
Oh honey, your husband will not take advantage of you. I bet your true friends don't take advantage of you. If someone truly loves you, they won't walk all over you. That's why you shouldn't marry someone who is controlling or manipulative.
DeleteNo, I don't have to. It' my hair and i chose not to perm it. I haven't permed my hair in 3 years, so he can't say he wants me to perm my hair. Just like he can 't make me bleach my skin. LOL. Submitting doesn't mean I have to do everything he says. I am not a puppet :)
Thank you for stopping by <3
Hmm great topic and well said/written sis. I believe that the bible is TRUTH and i don't think submission should be too hard for someone who loves God and takes his word as truth. God loves us and when he commands us to do something, he is saying it for our own good and it would produce more good in us. I am with you on the fact that it is much easier to submit to a man who loves you like Christ loves the church, a man who is completely sold out to God who follows God. May God give us the strength and humility to truly love, respect and submit to our husbands as He wants us to. Men when you treat your wives with love and respect and love them like Christ loves the church, it would be second nature for her to reciprocate with submission.
ReplyDeleteI think we can believe something to be true but struggle with accepting it as truth. It's not always easy to submit especially when you are used to being independent, and making your own decisions. Also, it can be really difficult to submit when you KNOW your idea is better. The good news is, we don't have to do it on our own, With the help of God, we can learn to submit. Also, a husband who loves and respects you, makes it easier :)
DeleteThanks for your feedback <3
WOW! Good write up! I am actually surprised that you are on board with submission, considering how strong willed and independent you can be :P
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Thank you! Of course, I am. It's biblical :)
DeleteYes I am very strong willed and independent. Good thing I am not supposed to just submit to anybody. The only person I am required to submit to is my husband :P
Now I know it's easier said than done but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I've got this :D