Hey Everyone!
It feels like it has been forever since I posted. I know I kept telling those of you who reached out to me about being MIA, that I would post soon. I promise, I have not just been slacking. I was just going to edit something from my draft, and publish it. However, I want to be really honest with you, and sort of give you an update about what's been going on and a couple of things that contributed to me being MIA on the blog.
It's been a rough couple of months and I honestly was in no place to blog. I struggled a bit in my walk with God. The enemy is such a liar. Thank God for restoration, I went through a period of not desiring God, and I could say I took all the steps and did all the stuff I wrote about in my post about desiring God, but that would be a huge lie. The truth is, I did NOTHING! I went to church, sang all the worship songs, but they meant nothing to me. The sermons didn't really do anything for me either. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I really enjoyed worship and the sermons were good but I could not connect.It was like there was a fence around my heart. Nothing could break those walls.
I was still in a rut when Zee's one year remembrance rolled around. It was a really really hard week for me. So hard, I had to take to Facebook to ask people to pray for me. Now, I am the kind of person who can be described as a happy bunny. You can usually see me smiling, running around with kids and joking. I don't like to bother people with my problems, and I like to be strong for others. However, on that day, it was not a day to be strong. I could not do it on my own. I was so torn apart, her mum had to console me. I spent the entire day weeping like it had just happened. Then the lies came. I began to question God. Why did You let this happen?
I am so grateful that God had prompted me to go to church the Saturday before and the Pastor was doing a series called 'God in control'. I was reminded that even when life doesn't work out the way I expect, God is always in control. It wasn't so easy to accept that though. My faith was tested the entire week. However the Pastor had prayed with me that Saturday, and his prayers as well as the prayers of everyone who read my Facebook status and reached out to me carried me through the week. Zee's mum said something to me that day "Please don't cry my darling. We love her but God loves her more. Will we then say God is not good?" What great faith! I do not claim to have all the answers I was seeking. but I have decided that in the good times and the bad times He remains GOD! No matter what life throws my way, God is ALWAYS good and reliable!
Now, If you have seen me in the past 6-8 weeks you're probably like WHAT? No way she was going through anything. She was smile, jumping up and down or cracking jokes when I saw her. The truth is, sometimes, beneath the smile is hurt, pain, anger, disappointment, struggle, anguish, etc.
I am ashamed to say this but I will be honest and say in all of this, I missed the mark. I backslid. I was in a rut guys. I was a complete mess but Jesus pursued me. The creator of the universe in spite of my mess, my weakness, my cold heart, my sin was relentless in His pursuit of my heart. I didn't do anything but He fought for me until He won. I am eternally grateful for His perfect relentless and unendling love.
So, the next time you think to yourself, or say to other people. ' that girl is so extra with her Jesus thing', or 'no one can love Jesus like that when it's not her that gave birth to Jesus', remember that I love Him because He loved me first. You don't know my story bro. LOL. Yes, I am totally throwing shade at some people. Not Christlike I know but God is still working on me! I kid! No, God is still working on me. However, I am kidding about throwing shade :D
That's about it ladies and gentlemen! That's what been going on with me but all is well now, Glory to God! Please continue to keep me in your prayers, because like you, I also have struggles. Remember you can also leave your prayer request here, so that I, as well as other readers of the blog can pray for you. Prayer works!
Now for the song of the week:
I am chose this song because well, I love it! If you like it too, the band is going to be in Toronto this Sunday. Check out this page for more info. If you decide to come, please let me know! My concert buddies are not available that weekend. I promise I am fun to go to concerts with. LOL. The song is Alive by Hillsong Young and Free
Enjoy the rest of your week!
God bless you .
<3
